It's Friday...
Chef Steve from Basil T's is in the studio
making breakfast for everybody.
NICE!
6:00
Do you remember yesterday?
Opie took calls from CBS corporate yesterday asking if O&A knew beforehand that "Is Tom Alive" Tom was going to call in. The suits are a bunch of nervous nellies who come up with new ways to prevent people from being creative, lest they be sued for something that happens on air while they're trying to entertain the audience and get the company some ratings.
When Tom called in it was obvious he was at the end of his rope, and the guys talked him out of offing himself... at least for the time being. Opie hopes they were right to stop someone who is in so much pain from killing himself.
Gasping for air-time
In case you don't know, Tom suffers from a degenerative lung disease that robs him of his ability to get enough oxygen. Not fun.
Well, because Tom called in yesterday and said he was about to kill himself, the show had to notify the authorities and send him some help. The cops went to Tom's house and yanked him out of his iron lung, then took him to a hospital where he's being taken care of.
Let's hope they're not fitting him for a toe tag. Those just never look good.
Today's NY Daily News says that it was OPIE and OPIE ALONE who talked Tom out of committing suicide. There is hardly a mention of Anthony or Jim Norton.
"Radio Show Host Opie Talks Listener Out Of Suicide Attempt" Well, that's partially correct.
Richard Huff is the guy who wrote the article, and he spoke with Steve C to get his info. Why didn't he set up something so he could talk with O&A themselves? Who knows, but Steve is quoted all over the place. Why no love for Anthony and Jim? Huff did mention Anthony, but only to mention that it seems that the whole Antholini thing is for real. How nice.
Richard Huff, his bad moustache,
and someone who is probably very good at math.
SUPER OPIE
Through Instant Feedback people are calling Opie a hero. He joins Ron Bennington, who once returned a man's cell phone he found in a taxi, as a real life hero who should probably be given the key to the city... in this case the city of Mastic Beach.
The key to this awful town doubles as a handy dung shovel.
Take Note!
Op plays the audio from yesterday where Tom reveals he'd already written a suicide note.
What did that note say? "Hey, had a great run. My time is out. Have fun."
It seems like Tom's lung disorder also affected his ability to write verse, but that's still no excuse to tickle his cerebrum with a lead slug.
Tom, none of this! And PLEASE, no more poetry!
The guys chuckle over the memory of Opie blurting out "Tac team!?" yesterday when he heard that Steve C was sending a tactical team to "visit" Tom. I guess they don't take too kindly to guys shooting a gun off in their homes... even if it was sort of an accident.
Smooth, Opie!
Opie, portrayed as a hero in the Daily News, implies that Ant's interactions with Tom during the phone call were rather uncaring and totally self-serving. Ant admits that he was only worried about them getting fired if Tom decided to end it all while on they were on the phone with him. Jimmy doesn't see it that way, and thinks it might be nice if the guys try to help each and every caller today.
Wouldn't that be something? It sure would, James. It sure would.
On a happier note, Op's excited that Chef Steve is about to make them some nice steaks. Why is he in studio cooking today? Well, it's because SOMEONE thought that tomorrow was Steve C's birthday. EROCK!?
Steve C's birthday is actually in February. Erock overheard Steve saying his birthday is on a Saturday, and he thought he meant THIS Saturday. What a goose.
6:40
Opie reads the email Erock sent to Stunt Brain telling him that they had to arrange something in honor of Steve C's birthday, including some flaming decorations or anything featuring a bear. How thoughtful.
Well, something like that.
As usual, when Basil T's is in studio, so is Patrice O'Neal. He must've smelled sizzling steak and made his way past security looking like Nell Carter in a Humphrey Bogart outfit.
Lookin' sharp, Nellie!
Patrice will be at Comix in NYC tonight and tomorrow. Go check him out!
The Boston Celtics won last night and took a 3-1 series lead against the Los Angeles Lakers, and Patrice is thrilled. Did he watch the game? NOPE! He was superstitious that if he watched it there would be no way the Celts would win.
Patrice shares a couple of his other superstitions, including fear of putting a hat on a bed (death) and having someone sweep at his feet while they're cleaning the floor (death or jail). Wait. What?
Anyhow, the Celtics came back from a 24 point deficit to win. It's the biggest turn around EVER in a NBA finals game.
Where the gold at? I want the gold!
The guys talk a bit about the NBA referee scandal, and Patrice thinks the refs did those underhanded things because their regular salary just wasn't enough.
7:00
Wedding Bell Bruise
There is a discussion about Opie's upcoming wedding, and who will be invited. Patrice has made the list, even though he and his lovely fiancée are still working on it. I think Opie should invite "Is Tom Alive" Tom so it gives him something nice to look forward to. Then, at the wedding they should instruct the ushers to not let him in by telling him, "Take a hike, Corpsey!" Oh, how we'll loff and loff!
Bonnie and Clod
"Please don't take my wife, please!
Isn't that the line? What! That was good!
You guys don't understand 'funny'.
The idiot Rich Vos calls in, still upset that Opie and Anthony didn't go to Caroline's to celebrate his wedding a couple of years ago. He had gotten married up in Canada and the guys had no idea that his gathering at Caroline's, a comedy club, was meant to be the reception. Vos was really pissed nobody showed up. Will Vos be invited to Opie's wedding? Probably. This will mark the first time a "Vos" has been on any sort of good list since Schindler died.
Everyone talks about Vos' plans to have his infant daughter someday attend community college for the first two years to save a few bucks, and he gives everyone the tip that they should do the same with their kids. It should be noted that this was the first "tip" Vos has given in any way since his rabbi snipped him during his briss. Cheap bastard!
Vos' new wheels "I got it on eBay! Such a deal!"
Opie stops Anthony from talking badly about weddings because he thinks Ant himself is heading towards the altar with Jill. Holy crap! Could you imagine the food at the Cumia-Nicolini wedding? You just KNOW Jill's father has "friends" in the catering business. Of course, he also has friends in the carting business, and anyone attending the Antholini wedding should hope no mix-up occurs.
Yes, Don Nicolini... the food is WONDERFUL!
And that's some pinky ring you've got there... Is that a tiger's eye?
You May Now Squeegee The Bride
Vos goes on and on with the hurt over his non-attended wedding. Of course, O&A didn't get actual invites to the Canadian nuptials. In Vos' defense, it's hard to get igloo rooms for that many guests. Rich is also not happy with the lack of wedding gifts he and his unfortunate bride failed to receive. Jeeze! Cheer up, Rich! Tom's phone call yesterday was more uplifting that this conversation.
7:40
The new M Knight Shamyalan garbagefest "The Happening" (I call it "The Crappening". Gimme those ribs, you!) is getting AWFUL reviews, including a 19% positive rating on RottenTomatoes.
I'd love the next "twist ending"
to be to this awful filmmaker's throat.
Everyone in studio wonders how many more bombs in a row this guy can make. They're referring, of course, to "The Vos Effect": The ability to constantly car crash your creations and still somehow manage to stay in the business.
Some of Shamyalan's movies are listed, and it's obvious he's a one hit wonder with "The Sixth Sense". Since then he's made the not-very-good "Signs",the childish "Lady In The Water", and the abysmal "The Village". Give it up, Shammy, and get a job working Dell customer service. I'm just sayin'.
It's apparent that Jimmy really hates M Knight, and as the movies are reviewed we all have ourselves a chuckle. Some of us even more than that.
8:15
Patrice says he's had enough of seeing pictures of Anthony in the middle of Jill and someone else. Ant says that it's not his fault...every time they try to take photo together someone tries to jump into the frame. There are already 16,437 pictures of them like that.
Just stop it.
Delving deeper into the matter, Patrice wants to know if Anthony and Jill are throwing around the "L" word yet. Why, yes. Yes they are. Those two are in love.
This is how it first came up: Jill: "I love this wine!" Ant: "And I love you, too, Jillsy Willsy!"
Followed by Jill's slightly buzzed, uncomfortable silence.
Ok terrific!
Ring Ring Ring
Richard Huff is on the phone talking about Antholini. Opie tells him to watch what he says about them if he doesn't want the show to start hating him again. This came after ol' Dick said that Anthony going out with Jill gives hope to guys who look like him. No it doesn't, Richard.
8:40
Patrice says some O&A fans are nice to him to his face, but when his back is turned they start talking crap. He said that was happening to him at the Animation Festival. That's just rude. According to Super Opie (whose personal Kryptonite is the sound of a running vacuum), there are even some haters out there claiming that "Is Tom Alive" Tom's phone call yesterday was a bit. What asshats.
Super Opie's Arch Enemy "1920s Hoover Girl"
Opie plays the audio from yesterday when Tom's gun went off. Luckily the bullet deflected off Tom's cement lung and didn't do any damage.
The show ends with the guys discussing why Tom wants to end his life, and figure that the poor guy must just be miserable, which is a shame because he's a very good fella.
3 delightful promos are played, including my personal favorite, which casts Opie as yesterday's hero by talking him up massively... but all the audio used in the clip is of Jimmy really trying to talk Tom out of killing himself.
Hilarious.
Well, that's it for this week. We'll seeya Monday!
Your Tom's Box Mrrff err meh!
For each person who adds me as a friend on MySpace, Patrice will develop another ridiculous superstition, including several that involve diet grape soda and/or the phases of the moon.
------------------------------------------ Written by Steve from Bay Shore
Thursday, June 12, 2008
The former Opie and Anthony Show "Green Room".
T'anks fer nuttin'!
6:00
Hello, Love, to CBS... FM!
101.1 CBS FM has started broadcasting from right down the hall from K-Rock. During Opie's show prep this morning one of the CBS ghouls started blasting "Dancin' In The Dark" by Bruce Springsteen. Who wants to hear that at 5am? Yeccccchhh.
However, since Jimmy got a pic with Bruce he's much more tolerant of him. That guy just never looks clean
Do ya like musicals, Doc?
Yesterday Opie and his girl went to see "Young Frankenstein" on Broadway. He didn't like it... he LOVED IT! Very interesting. Op's getting mentally ready for his retirement in Florida. Enjoying Broadway shows is just the first step.
Stings a Bit...
Opie went for more acupuncture yesterday and got his little strawburrrreee blond head treated like a pin cushion. The woman doing the jabbin' hooked the needles up to some electrodes and started 'em a-buzzin'.
That must've felt odd.
To make therapy easier, Opie's thinking of getting some neck bolts installed permanently. Sexy!
Next stop, FANCYTOWN
While Opie was daintily watching a Broadway show, what was Anthony up to? He and Jill were attending a garden party charity event at Oheka Castle on Long Island. The castle is about 3,000 square feet smaller than Chateau Cumia and I hope Anthony didn't feel cramped.
The last time Ant was at a house that looked like this he was making it his headquarters in occupied France.
After that event ended he went to ANOTHER children's charity event. That one was a casino night at the Woodbury Country Club. Fancy. The two lovetards got out of there at about 10pm and zipped back to a more luxurious location: Ant's house.
Opie predicts that with all the events "Antholini" has been attending, they will soon become one of those "Hamptons Couples". How frightening will that be?
6:30
144 days until the presidential election...
29 days until the new iPhone comes out...
23 days into Antholini.
Good times, indeed!
Anthony reveals that Jill has a touch of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, which was most likely caused by practicing that stiff-armed salute that Anthony insists she uses to greet him. You know the one that I mean.
Oh My...
Newscaster E.D. Hill is getting a bit of flak because she referred to Barack Obama's fist tap he does with his wife as a well known terrorist code. Whether it is or not, Anthony doesn't like it.
Stunt Brain reveals that he went to school with E.D. Hill, who's real name is Dorothy Tarbox.
Wow. That is not a good last name.
From what I've learned, at first Dorothy thought about changing her last name to "Tarclump" before smartly moving on to "Hill".
Fed Up?
Jimmy wants the conservatives OUT. The latest reason for that is because a porn star favorite of his, Max Hardcore has been convicted of obscenity charges for producing a pornographic movie and shipping it to Tampa. Some jackasses in Tampa feel Hardcore's movies violate "community standards". Eccccccccchhhhhhh.
Sorry, Max. Please put down the camera and come with us.
The guys get back on the subject of the candidates and talk about John McCain's image as a doddering old man who can't keep the dandruff off his shoulders.
Holy crap! Would somebody PLEASE get Gramps a whisk broom for his jacket?
No matter what she says, Anthony does NOT like Obama's wife Michelle. He says her thesis in college was all about how evil Whitey is. Wait. What? Anthony didn't like her statements that taking care of African-American issues will be her #1 priority. Ant doesn't want his tax dollars being spent on the poor. What does he want his money spent on? Going out and having fun. That sounds reasonable to me.
"Eff the poor!" - A. Cumia
Speaking of spending his money, Anthony is PISSED because he's having trouble getting a permit for a cute li'l pre-fab cabana he had delivered poolside in his yard. The guys say that although we think we have total freedom in this country, when it comes to owning your home you still have to answer to a governmental bureaucracy that is looking to control you as well as tax you to death.
Anthony goes off on a lovely and coherent rant saying that we've given up much too much of our power to the government and Opie thinks this country is slowly but surely sliding towards a revolution to "uncomplicate things".
Op himself wants to expand his condo, even though it's in a big tall building in Manhattan. He wants to use "tree fort technology" to build his extension, which would be a wooden platform sort of hanging off the side of the building where a window used to be.
Tree Fort Technology at its best
On a side note, the last time someone tried to use "tree fort technology" around Anthony he wound up going "Jeeb! Jeeb! Jeeb! Jeeb!" while feigning sleep. Lingggrrrrrrrrrr Lnnnnnnnngrrrrrrrr!
The Opie and Anthony Show shamefully presents... Jimmy Norton in another "Embarrassing Revelation"
When he was but a lad, Jimmy and some of his buddies decided that they were a gang called "The Lords". They had intentions of building a fort to use as a clubhouse but never got beyond the planning stage and the purchase of the "L" and the "O" that were to be a part of the name attached to the fort. This shows that none of the boys had a firm grasp of reality, because they neglected to add the word "Gay" before the word "Lords", which would have much more accurately described the nature of that little social club for young boys.
Welcome to gangland, bitch!
By the way... why do you have to put a fence around your own pool? To keep the neighborhood kids from drowning, obviously... but Opie says simply, "Screw 'em!" Nice.
7:00
Travis, lithe-bodied twink and O&A Show staffer, is in studio with some news: The guy who caught Ken Griffey Jr's 600th career home run ball had brought a dummy ball with him in case he caught the real one. Well, once he actually caught the historic ball he intentionally dropped the dummy one to distract people and send them scrambling to recover it... which they did, leaving him alone to leave with his prize. Clever.
Layer Upon Layer of Insanity...
Anthony had a security service (What are the initials for that term? Interesting...) over yesterday to install some security cameras around his property. Apparently a man can never be too safe, nor too paranoid.
Quite a few listeners call in with their tales of woe regarding trying to get building permits, including one guy who built a shed, was told to tear it down, then was told he'd need a demolition permit in order to execute the town's orders. How fantastic.
Hypermiling? Please die.
People who do everything possible to try to increase their gas milage, from attempting to drive downhill all the time, to being obsessed with maintaining proper tire pressure, are now being tagged "HyperMilers". I rather hope that soon each of them will be tagged "a victim of foul play".
7:40
John Flory is a douche.
He's a hypermiler who is trying to double the milage he gets on his Honda hybrid. I hope Flory's stupid hybrid gets rear-ended as forcefully as he himself does when he visits his favorite local rest stop. Check out this story on the subject and feel the desire to kill.
This annoyance drives between 45 and 50 MPH on the highway, and he's totally unconcerned if people behind him take issue with his driving methods. He sounds like a real charmer. I wonder if he makes the throat yogurt his fellow HyperMilers feed him last as long as his gasoline. Just curious.
Some people totally disagree that Global Warming is a real thing. Today they celebrate Carbon Belch Day where they try to leave as huge a carbon footprint on the planet as possible, just to prove that Global Warming is nothing but a load of crap and lies.
It sounds like those people need a new hobby. Try stamp collecting or checking tomatoes for salmonella. We'll appreciate the latter more than the former.
Here's a cute one...
A news reader forgets to pause and makes it sound like the guy he's filling in for that evening had been murdered and set on fire.
How did he not hear what he was saying?
Looks like he's not quite ready for the big leagues.
The guys speculate how bad it must be to burn to death, and Jimmy recalls Richard Pryor saying, after he was badly burned, how bad it was when the doctors had to clear off the burnt flesh from his face using a wire brush. WHAT?!
A little help here, Hendry?
Attention Whores
Everyone gets on the subject of suicide and overdosing. Opie says that overdosing on something like Tylenol is just someone wanting to be noticed with their "cry for attention".
Does anyone remember Ray Belknap? He decided to kill himself the smart way: a gunshot to the face. His friend James Vance also shot himself... but succeeded in only blowing off his jaw, mouth, and nose. He lived 3 more years but eventually died from the results of his injuries.
I hate to say it, but that gunshot did nothing to help this guy's looks.
What promted this double suicide?
The guys were drunk, stoned, and listening to Judas Priest. That's as good a reason as any, I suppose.
Some annoying whore calls up saying that Opie's comments on Tylenol overdoses are not valid, since a large dose of the drug can cause irreversable liver damage... sort of like a weekend of drinking with Antholini. I'm just sayin'.
The boys all discuss suicide techniques and conclude that quicker is better. Well, no s***.
8:20
Here, Daddy! Have some cancer!
Father's Day is coming up this weekend, and all the advertising is making Opie feel sad. Since his father died as the result of an accident a few years ago Father's Day is a tough day for him.
Humpback Baby?
A Chinese boy was born with a curious deformity: an extra penis growing out of his back. The spare baby-dingle was removed in a 3 hour operation. What the hell did they do with the extra part? Oh, the jokes just write themselves, and I'm not allowed to put any of them in this rundown.
Is Tom Alive?
Stay alive, damn it!
For the moment, he is, but he is calling in to say goodbye to the show and to thank the guys for all the laughs. He wants to off himself during the XM portion of the show and everyone in studio (and Steve C. behind the scenes) does everything they can to convince Tom that this isn't a good idea.
Tom says he's been having a very rough time of it lately, mainly because of the hot and humid weather that really aggravates his terminal lung condition. We can hear from his voice that the poor fella is really having a hard time breathing, and he tells us that he's already written a suicide note.
Now cut that out, Tom!
I've chatted a few times with Tom on Paltalk, and he is a really nice guy. It's a huge shame that he's going through such crap, and we all hope that things somehow turn around for him and he gets rid of the two guns he's reserved to end it all.
As everyone tries their best to talk him out of it, and invite him to come to the studio tomorrow so they can cheer him up in person, Tom fiddles with his guns. Anthony tells him to please unload the guns... and not through the barrel, but by removing the clips and all the bullets. As Tom tries to comply with Ant's wishes one of the guns goes off and shoots a cement wall in his apartment. Jeeze.
Tom handles guns like his lungs handle oxygen.
Perhaps instead of using one of the guns to kill himself Tom would like to just give them to Anthony? It would certainly make all of us feel better.
8:58
The guys, especially Opie, seem a bit shaken by Tom's call. You can tell they are genuinely concerned for the guy, who is a long-time fan and all around nice guy. They hope that Tom will join them over at XM tomorrow so they can cheer him up and try to get him some actual medical help. Maybe there's something a different doctor can do to make Tom's life more livable. Lucky for Tom that Anthony's family physician, Dr. Mengele, is no longer around. I don't think he'd be any help at all... especially since Tom isn't a twin.
That's all for today. Hey lawyers! Take it easy and stop panicking. The staff could not have handled Tom's call any better. They did everything they could to talk him out of offing himself. Let's hope they succeeded instead of worrying about legal repercussions over every little thing. Asshats.
Add me as a friend on MySpace and help show Tom that we'd much rather he stays alive. I don't know how this will help show that, but I'll let Tom actually know if anybody adds me today.
---------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore
Other stuff, Joe
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
It’s Whip ‘Em Out Wednesday!!! It’s still pretty hot out, so ladies... You know what to do.
6:00
Last night in NYC there was a massive thunderstorm. It was so windy that Opie thought the windows were going to come crashing into his de-luxe apartment in the sky. Let’s not even mention the lightning.
Notice I didn’t mention it?
Club Soda Kenny feigned concern for Opie and how he fared in the storm last night, but it was only so he could talk over him and tell what happened to HIM. Kenny said he’s lucky to even BE at work this morning. He lost power at about 9 last night, but luckily it came back on at around 3:45 AM. He may have overslept because his alarm might not have worked. Kenny sure loves to make every little problem seem much more than it actually is.
He’s good like that.
Anthony went to sleep at about 2 pm and woke up around 9. He and Jill stayed up till midnight, and this morning he’s feeling like he’s caught up on his sleep a bit. Opie welcomes him back to the show, since this is the first morning this week he Ant actually seems awake.
Springtime Fresh?
Photo courtesy of Opie’s Eye. Thanks, Opie’s Eye!
Opie says that Jimmy’s looking very spring-like today in his baby blue Richard Pryor t-shirt. This gets the guys onto the subject of old comics, Don Rickles, specifically.
Op saw a documentary about Rickles last night. The guy’s 80 years old and still going strong. Even today the guy rips on every ethnic group, which is something no new comedian could ever do.
If you want to see the special, check out “Mr Warmth” which will be on HBO On-Demand.
Sports Curse?
Opie woke up to find that the LA Lakers beat the Boston Celtics last night. The Celts are still up 2 games to 1... but since Op picked them to win, they may be doomed.
There are tons of clips of him on YouTube. There’s really some classic stuff on there, including some appearances of his on The Tonight Show when Carson was the king of late night.
Here’s just one:
The guy rips on everyone. Nice.
John Wayne died 29 years ago today, and in honor of that, Opie plays that awful “John Wayne Rap” piece of garbage.
There is nothing even slightly funny about this.
6:30
Someone writes in saying that he’s too young to really remember Rickles, and that to him he’s Mr. Potato Head from Toy Story. Anthony isn’t surprised and thinks the show has listeners who only know Paul McCartney from that crappy ukulele of his they were playing a few months back. Remember? It’s the one where he invites us over to his house to “dance around tonight”. Yuck.
This video actually lasts longer than Paul’s stint with the Beatles.
The guys admit that although that song sucks a fat one, Paul had a lot of post-Beatles hits, and they pick a few of them apart, including “Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey”. All the old tunes remind Anthony of being driven to another drunken family party at a relative’s house back in the 70s.
One McCartney song that really annoys Jimmy is “Let ‘Em In”.
Yeah, that’s a pretty bad one there, Jimbo.
The boys discuss John Lennon’s solo work, and even touch upon the stuff done by his sons, Julian and Sean. This reminds Op of the Rolling Stones Rock and Roll Circus where Lennon insisted that Yoko Ono had to be on stage with a group of rock stars during a jam. She shrieked like the maniac that she is.
Check out Yoko “Oh-No”
She sounds like a bag of kittens dangling over a fire.
Have you seen this one?
Opie saw a clip of a girl doing WiiFit... a li’l Hula-Hoop action. It’s just her in her panties and t-shirt, wiggling around for 2 minutes. Op says he’s watched it about 10 times and that the only down side of the clip is the girl’s stupid boyfriend sticking his face into the shot at the beginning and end.
The clip’s a fake put out to promote the Wii.
But who cares? It’s adorable!
Ring Ring
Jill Nicolini’s brother Anthony is on the phone looking for an update on the Antholini situation. It seems his sister’s been too busy to talk to her family, so he phones in to a show heard by millions just to say hello to Ant. That’s terrific. That’s terrific.
7:00
Idiotic funny man Rich Vos is in studio and for some reason he seems somewhat upset that Ant has such a hot girlfriend. Opie says the guys no longer ogle her during the CW11 new out of respect for Anthony. Of course, since they’re talking about it now and she’s actually on screen, they all have to take a quick peek.
Vos is a bit put out because he wasn’t invited to the animation festival. Steve C says that Rich was one of the first people invited, and that when he was asked if he could attend he told Steve that he’d be out of town that night.
oOOoOoooOoooOOo! It’s Guess The Sound!
It’s an odd one. Vos, a non-creative boob, keeps guessing it’s some sort of yelling Asian women. No kidding. The jackass doesn’t know how to play the game to make this funny for radio.
7:30
The guys talk about the relief you feel when you really “empty out” while in the bathroom. Because Rich is so unknowing, the guys have to explain the benefits of using moist wipes when you finish up in the bathroom.
Vos is confused.
The Big Reveal
What was the mystery sound? It’s a clip that’s been all over the place over the past few days: 4 Japanese people sit around a table and arrange their cell phones around a few popcorn kernels. When all phones are called at once the popcorn actually pops.
Everyone thinks it’s a fake, and Jimmy thinks there might be some wizzzrrrrrndreee involved. If, however, it IS real, that’s some scary stuff.
Lesbian Rage
I realize that hairs in your teeth can be annoying... but let’s calm down, people.
The residents of the Greek island of Lesbos want to stop the world from referring to gay women as “Lesbians”, since that’s what the natives are technically known as. What a silly story.
This man is a proud Lesbian. Funny... I don’t think that shirt is flannel.
Now THAT’S better!
Op brings out a list of the 25 Worst Sitcoms ever...
A few that are named are “The Ropers”, Charles In Charge”, “Life On A Stick”, “It’s A Living”, “Harry And The Hendersons”, and a bunch more. Op wants to finish up the top 10 after the break.
Medvedev himself: Excuse me sir, but that’s not a name.
8:00
Howie Mandel is on the phone.
He only has till 8:13, so that gives us roughly 4 minutes to gab. Tonight on Howie’s game show “Deal Or No Deal” they’re going to be doing “Million Dollar Madness”. How wacky! And just as quickly as the interview begins, How’s gotta run. He’s probably wants to get a few hours worth of hand washing in before he has to do the show tonight.
Howie’s bad case of OCD reminds Ant of Nickelodeon host Mark Summers who has really terrible OCD himself. The guy had a nice Persian rug... and he would always lie on the floor so he could straighten each individual piece of fringe on the ends of the carpet. That sounds normal.
Snuggle Puggles
Last night Opie and his girl were sitting watching the thunderstorm together, and they were cuddling, sharing a nice moment. Everyone in studio talks about their ways of being affectionate and they pound each other. Not literally.
8:30
Big-A is in studio.
By the way, Op says they’ll do the “Top Ten” from the list of the 25 worst sitcoms tomorrow.
Ant thinks Big-A looks a bit like Fred Flintstone and thinks that maybe he should have one finger and one toe removed off each hand and foot so he looks even more Flintstonesque.
Andrew... which one are you?
SOMEHOW the conversation drifts to the subject of Ant’s underwear. WHY? Ant says he likes underpants that support so his junk isn’t left a-flappin’ around. Naturally, everyone in studio shows each other what underwear they’re wearing. Oh great.
It’s The News With BIG-A!
Wow. The guys who wrote the copy pulled out every “S-T” word they could think of. Big-A can’t get through even the first sentence. The whole segment goes on and on as we chuckle at Andrew’s speech impediment. Why wouldn’t we? When the guys arrive at the studio tomorrow for the show nobody would be surprised if they found Big-A still trying to sputter this stuff out.
Poor Andrew, lucky us.
We’ll be back tomorrow for more of this stuff. Seeya!
--------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore
Other stuff, Joe
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Happy Tuesdee, you miserable bastards...
Fun Fact: I had this whole thing written this morning and my main PC decided it was time for a dirt nap. Isn’t that fantastic? I have no current way of getting the rundown off that hard drive. Actually, I’m not sure if I can get ANYTHING off of it. Luckily I backed up all my important stuff from there onto a few dvd-roms last month. But lucky me! I get to write this whole thing again! There aren’t quite as many pix or links in this version of it, but we had to get it posted as soon as we could.
On to the show!
6:00
It’s Tuesday and we have a question for the listeners: Are Opie and Anthony little kids or adults? That’s debatable. However, CBS lawyers think that they are children who need to be told what they can and cannot say. The lawyers don’t want them using words like “doodie” or “poop” in any way that may indicate an action. They can say the words, but they can’t say “so and so took a poop”. Unbelievable. Those are words that kindergarteners use every day. Opie, along with the rest of the on-air talent, really hate lawyers.
Does anyone actually believe the FCC would fine the show for using the word “poop”? IDIOTS!
Running From Himself
Opie and his girl were at the gym yesterday and went up for a healty snack. He spotted little bags of potato chips that boasted that the contents had only 100 calories. Well, that doesn’t sound so bad, does it? Opie was pretty happy with them... but thought that they’d be a lot better if they were a bit greasier and a tad saltier.
What was the downside to eating those crunchy, low-cal treats? I’ll tell you. After leaving the gym they headed to the super market to do some shopping. As they walked through the store Opie’s bowels seemed to drop several feet and land somewhere near in the region of his hip joints. His tummy started a-gurglin’. He started sweating. He had to clench his cheeks together as if the fate of the whole frat rested upon the one marshmallow he had clutched in his musky nether regions.
They barely made it home in time for Opie to make a mad dash into the bathroom and relieve himself with an expulsion the likes of which haven’t been seen since the dam above Johnstown, PA burst forth sending 4.8 BILLION gallon torrent of water onto the town below. It’s probably safe to assume that Opie won’t be eating any more chips using the oil substitute “Olestra”, which is known for causing... errrm... “leakage”.
Eat up, then look out below!
POST THE CLIPS ALREADY!
Five days after the animation festival the clips still aren’t up on iTunes. Why the hell is that? Lawyers have to “approve” them for content. Yeccchhhhh. Put the friggin’ clips up, you clumps. And stop blaming our friend Conglomerated Sam for sending them in to you in a format you don’t like. EFF YOU! Until iTunes is a go, here is a link where you can see the vids.
Or just search the YouTubes yourselves.
We'll have all of the videos linked from this site soon.
Spin Classes Are For Sissies
Jimmy found an article about “aggressive nakedness” in the gym. This odd subject reminds the guys of that lawyer named Sugarman, who was thrown from his bike during a spinning class by another guy because he wouldn’t stop grunting and yelling as he exercised. The guy who tossed him was found not guilty of criminal charges, but of course Sugarman is suing him in a civil case. It’s really a shame the guy didn’t toss Sugarman right through a plate glass window and plummeting 30 floors below.
Ahhh… one can dream.
6:30
A Sight For Sore Thighs
Good morning to all herpes sufferers! According to a study that came out yesterday, 1 in 4 people in NYC have it. Opie himself gets cold sores since he was but a lad. Who the hell gave them to him? Jimmy wants to know if Op takes Valtrex to “prevent outbreaks”. Nope! Opie thinks it would be embarrassing to go fill a prescription like that. Not Jimmy, he’d fill it with pride and hold his sores up for all to see. He’s good like that.
The House That Pfizer Built
Poor Roger Clemens. Now he’s being accused of using Viagra while playing baseball. Apparently the drug helps speed absorption of steroids into the system. The boys wonder what old Suzyn Waldman would have to say about THIS story. “You should see what’s going on in the Yankee jockstraps!” Come up with your own.
I knew that Viagra use would cause problems!
More Baseball News!
Ken Griffey Jr hit the 600th home run of his career yesterday.
He’s only the 6th player to ever reach that great number.
Photoshop, Shmotoshop!
The papers are reporting that those lingerie shots of Oscar De La Hoya that we all got such a kick out of a few months ago are all fakes. Supposedly they were photoshopped by the Russian whore who took them. Now the woman shot the pix has dropped her multi-million dollar lawsuit against De La Hoya. The guys wonder if anybody would actually get into an outfit like that just to please a girl. Jimmy says he certainly would. Nobody is surprised. Oscar was scheduled to come in tomorrow and do the show, but his publicist is now saying that he’s not doing ANY radio. Once we find out that little tidbit Jimmy stops playing devil’s advocate and says that we all know that those pix are real and NOT photoshopped.
Oscar, Oscar, Oscar... Why’d ya do it?
7:00
News, Damn It!
• NY Giants player Michael Strahan has retired. Opie gives the guy a lot of credit for going out on top. Strahan’s been seen all over the place partying and celebrating as if he had no intention of getting back to the NFL next season. Well, now we know why.
• Ex NYS Governor Eliot “Whoremongering Hypocrite” Spitzer is turning 49 today. Happy birthday, Creep. Nobody likes you. How do ya like THEM apples?
“Honestly, I was never more than THIS excited by that whore”
The Jill/Anthony Axis
Opie would like to make the show an Antholini-Free Zone, but things keep popping up. Last night Ant escorted Jill to the Crescent Club for a fundraising event organized by the Clark Gillies Foundation , which raises money for children with cancer. Wow. Jill sure can get Anthony to attend events and visit places NOBODY ever could get him to before.
Photo Evidence From Nashville: Howdy! Anthony looks like an emaciated Borat.
Here’s another charmer... Hold on tight, Ant! Hold on tight!
What will Antholini be doing to celebrate their 3 week anniversary tonight? Why, they’ll be heading up to FH Riley’s, 400 New York Avenue in the heart of Huntington Village. Show up and have yourself a nice dinner. Those French doors don’t pay for themselves!
Mouthful of Curses
Check out this reporter who gets a bug in his mouth while trying to tape a segment. He goes from talking like a member of the group that invented the wheel to sounding like Conglomerated Sam’s great-great-grandpappy.
The Saudis want to hold a summit to discuss oil costs. Wouldn’t it be better to categorize that “summit” as a “celebration”? To free ourselves from dependence on foreign oil, Anthony thinks we need to kill all environmentalists so we can just drill wherever we please. Jimmy simply blames the oil companies for being so friggin’ greedy. They both have a point, but Jimmy’s is covered in some sort of glisteny lube that I don’t like the looks of.
GOOD LUCK, BRO!
Some guy in Jacksonville, Florida invented a car that he claims goes 100 miles on a single ounce of water. The oil companies are taking notice of this, and Exxon has even arranged an autopsy for the gentleman. How thoughtful!
Oh, the Humanity!
It’s time for Tragic News with Roland (as tickled by Elf-like Danny). Roland starts out with that cheerful story about the Tokyo knife attack that left 7 dead and 10 wounded.
Despite the tragic nature of the stories, Roland giggles himself silly, much to the amusement and annoyance of the audience. We’ll put the video up when it’s available.
8:00
Ricky Gervais is on the phone from London. Right off the bat he asks the guys about “the hobo” (Homeless Charlie) that caused problems for the show last year.
Giggly Roland has seen Ricky’s new film, “Ghost Town”, even though it isn’t scheduled for release until late September. Show friend Bob Kelly is in the movie, as well. He plays The Ghost Of Buffet Past, Present, And Yet-To-Come. How fitting!
By the way, Roland thought the new movie was great, and mispronounces Mr Gervais’ name, much to the amusement of everyone on the show.
If you’d like to catch Ricky’s stand-up act, you can see him out in Los Angeles July 11 & 12 at the Kodak Theater. In New York you can catch him at the WaMu Theater July 14, 15, and 16.
Louis CK will also be in the new movie with Ricky, who thinks Louis is one of the funniest comedians in the US. Gervais tells of an awful flight he shared with Louis going from NY to Boston. That must’ve been a hoot.
Recently on Saturday Night Live Ricky did a spoof of “The Office”, claiming that he got the idea for the UK version of it from the “original Japanese version”. It’s a bit that the Opie and Anthony show would be fired for immediately, and it’s very funny.
That’s a good one
The guys talk with Ricky about racial humor and how they’re not even allowed to allude to it, especially when it comes to joking about any Asians. Ricky says he thinks it’s ok to make racial jokes, providing they aren’t coming from some deep, hateful place. It’s ok to laugh at ourselves and each other.
Opie praises Ricky for the UK version of “The Office”, and says he’s bummed that there were only 2 short seasons of the show made. Op admits that the last time Ricky was in to promote “Extras” he had no idea what that was. He thought it was like “DVD-Extras” for “The Office”. What a goose.
Ricky talks about old TV shows that ended up really weird because they ran longer than they should have…something that never happened with one of his shows. He points out Happy Days and Diffr’ent Strokes as examples, and especially enjoyed Fonzie’s exploits including using his motorcycle to jump a tank containing a live shark, and the episode where a magician was unable to perform his trick, so The Fonz, though untrained, managed to escape from an underwater trap.
FANCY and POPULAR Man
Ricky is in the Guinness Book Of World Records for having the most downloaded podcast: 2 million downloads for the paid versions, and 22 million downloads of the free episodes. Wow.
8:40
Tomato Recall? YUP!
It seems that some varieties of tomatoes have been linked to salmonella, prompting a huge recall. Beware! Lest your bowels runneth over as did those of Mr Opie just yesterday. He was about 3 paces away from becoming Ol’ Splatter Pants… not that his lovely fiancée let him forget about how close he came. That girl’s a good egg.
iPhone!
Bob Kelly was in studio yesterday saying that the new 3G iPhone was gonna be out today. Well, he was only off by a month and a day. The scheduled release date is July 11th. The new phone is supposed to be thinner, cheaper, and faster. This comes just as Jimmy finally has a first generation iPhone that works. Fantastic then.
Some people are concerned over the very thin appearance of Apple’s co-founder Steve Jobs.
Did he land a role in Schindler’s List 2? Eat some bacon, ya scrawny bastard!
More Fanciness
Mark Wahlberg is on the phone, promoting his new movie “The Happening”, which is directed by the very hit-or-miss director M. Knight Shyamalan.
Not only is Mark not interested in getting the new iPhone, he claims he doesn’t even know how to send a text message. Well then.
Jimmy tells Mark of Opie’s near screw up during the Ricky Gervais interview. He had mixed up Mark’s fact sheet with Ricky’s and was about to ask him about almost landing a role in Brokeback Mountain. Luckily, Op caught himself, and told Ricky what he almost asked him, much to his amusement. Either way, Mark says he did NOT almost get the role in Brokeback Mountain.
He was probably too busy arranging a “Funky Bunch” Reunion.
Oh, dear Lord!
The new movie, “The Happening”, opens this Friday the 13th.
