Well, it seems that young Erik went to a huge concert last night at Madison Square Garden that featured the remaining members of Lynyrd Skynyrd as well as Kid Rock. Opie had been offered tickets by Erock (Anthony wasn't), but because it was a "school night", Op knew he couldn't really go.
That's all well and good... but what's the excuse Erik is giving for being late? According to Mr Nagel, he forgot to set his alarms last night after getting home later than he thought he would. He ended up waking at 5:30 and had to drive like a Cumia out of Hell to get to work before the show started.
That's the ON-AIR version of the story.
What's the real OFF-AIR version of this Erockian tale? Well, it seems the "person he was with" and her friends partied a little too much before and during the concert. Of the 8 people who were there, including Erock, 4 of them passed out as the show started.
That's right... Half of them.
Passed out.
Drunk.
Before the show.
I don't care what you're doing at MSG, half your group passing out before an event generally indicates that not everyone is going to be enjoying themselves that night.
What was Erock himself drinking? To quote the former Sex Bagel: "Diet Coca". What? The boy is obviously a dope-a.
"All due respect".
One of the girls with this rabble of drunkards got so sauced she was actually trying to get up on stage to sing with Kid Rock. Security told her to sit her ass down or face being thrown out. I bet Erock loved having to try to control that one for the rest of the show.
Not only was being at the show a disaster, but Erock had trouble getting one of the girls (who was spending the night at his place) out of the cab. She was pretty much gone by the time they arrived back at Erik's NJ apartment that he had to drag her dead weight from the taxi and carry her inside. Now Erock knows how Steve C feels working with him. Pow! Zing!
A restful night at the Nagel residence
Erik was in such a hurry to get to work this morning he zoomed out of the house without brushing his teeth. Oh dear. Pat Duffy and Conglomerated Sam are the ones who move in close for a whiff. It doesn't smell like he was drinking... but they say it's typical after-a-night-of-partying breath.
Ol' Crust Breath himself
This is a very odd story from Erik, and I think he's not fessing up to everything that went on. He claims he "didn't get" the first part of the show, which was the performance of Lynyrd Skynyrd.
For some reason, this 30 year old who has been in radio since he was a teen only knew 2 of their songs. Because who knows Lynyrd Skynyrd, right? What a doodle head.
6:30
Anthony's under all sorts of pressure because people are telling him not to wreck his budding relationship with the very hot CW11 traffic girl Jill Nicolini. Opie reviews yesterday's events by playing a few choice soundclips (Check yesterday's rundown for full coverage. Yes, I'm a bloated shill).
Ant must be taking this serious: Yesterday he gave his housemate Keith The Cop 3 days to pack up all his stuff and clear out of Chateau Cumia to make room for the new second storey wet bar he's having installed so he and Jill don't have to leave their sexual stomping grounds if they want a spot of alcoholic refreshment.
On this morning's CW11 News broadcast, Jill's giving Ant the little signals she told Steve C. she'd be sending out to the object of her affection: A hair flip, a wink, an ear touch, and a nose scratch. Wait as we did all morning, there was no goosestepping or outstretched right arm salute signals. Pity.
What's that ringing in Anthony's ears? Love? Could be, but it could also be Jill's phone call to the show. She admits she HAS been sending our pal Ant signals in her broadcast.
I can picture the sad scene back at Ant's place: Keith sadly scrubbing a pair of Anthony's underwear by hand while weeping softly to himself. Poor fella. He must've known it couldn't last. But still....
Family Man Ant?
Jill says she knows Anthony doesn't want to have kids, but she says she'd like to have 5. In a strange about face, Ant says they'll have to see what develops between them, but certainly makes it sound like having children with her could be in the picture. HUH? Who is that stranger sitting in Herr von Cumia's chair? I'm scared.
7:45
While the boys were on break Jill gave her version of "Ok! Terrific!" during her traffic segment. She is definately easier on the eye (though harder on the groin) than O&A Show traffic and weatherman Club Soda Kenny.
Continuing to bring people up to date on what's gone on over the past two days, Op plays the audio of the Nicolini/Cumia discussion with William Shatner from yesterday. No swimming pools were mentioned.
Opie and Jimmy can't let go of the fact that earlier Anthony implied that having kids MIGHT be OK. That happened while talking to Jill. Luckily we get to hear some clips of the awful things that Anthony has said about children in the past, including him telling a kid coming up to show him something to "get out of here!" and comparing having a child to falling asleep next to one of the beanpods in Invasion Of The Body Snatchers.
No matter how you take that, it probably doesn't indicate a strong tolerance or liking for children on Anthony's part.
Oh, those damned pods!
By the way...
Brother Joe and his girl had a baby yesterday,
making Anthony an uncle. That sure is something.
EVERYONE in studio speculates how things will develop between Ant and Jill. Listeners call up and are MERCILESS. Fantastic.
From what I've heard (keep this quiet), Anthony is cancelling plans for getting matching Desert Eagles with Keith, and instead he and Jill will buy a darling pair of matched Derringers. Poor Mr. The Cop.
From this...
...to this Precious!
7:45
Uh oh. Our leader is VERY angry. Just before they came back from break Anthony's computer crashed again... then suddenly started working again. He doesn't like when that happens, in case you were wondering. A hatchet is mentioned as a possible solution to the problem next time it occurs.
Jimmy suggests that Anthony relax so he doesn't scare off the wonderful Ms. Nicolini. I'd take his chinless advice, Ant.
Continuing her on-air flirting with Anthony, during her last segment Jill used the expression "linger longer". That's adorable!
NEWS!!!
"Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Georgie?"
President Bush was in Israel for its 60th anniversary festivities and made a reference against negotiating with Iran. People are taking it as a jab against Barack Obama, who says he'd like to sit down and negotiate with Iran, as well as North Korea.
I bet Anthony wouldn't mind going back and having a talk with Hitler.
More than likely just to offer helpful advice.
The abysmal jackass Keith Olbermann had crap to say about Bush's statements regarding what would happen if we simply pulled out of Iraq. Olbermann is in a huff and refers to the president simply as "Mr. Bush", and wants him to "shut the hell up".
This is the second Keith we know of today who is VERY upset.
I wonder if HIS "friend" has asked him to move out, too.
Opie saw reporter Rachel Maddow on MSNBC and can't quite figure out her oddly mannish look.
The make-up helps, because without it she turns into...
...Matthew Modine Or is she Buddy Hole-y? mrrff err meh!
8:20
Greg Giraldo joins the boys in studio.
He'll be appearing at Comix in NYC tonight and tomorrow, for two shows each night. For tickets and information call 212.524.2500, or click on the link just above. It's a great club and you should go check him out there.
Where the hell has Greg been?
Apparently off "fighting the demons". Jimmy says that Greg hid his drug and alcohol abuse well, until he became Harvey Keitel in "Bad Lieutenant".
"OoooOoooOooOOoooOo!"?
Calm yourself, Harv!
Greg tells us about a few of the things that drove him to the realization that he had a huge problem and needed to clean himself up, including the fact that he was so paranoid he thought people on Segways were chasing him. Who gets chased by a Segway?
If you can't get away from someone on a Segway, you have no business getting away from ANYONE.
According to Mr Giraldo, even ice machines were seen as part of the plot to get him, and he ended up going away for 33 days to get his act together. He seems to be doing pretty well, but before rehab the guy was a total loon.
Anthony wonders why so many comics seem to have problems with addiction and other things. Could it be because of the lifestyle schedule they have, or is it driven by the very insecurites that helped them to become comedians in the first place? That Anthony's a pretty smart guy when he's not zipping down the LIE at 180 or shooting computers in his basement. ALLEGEDLY.
8:40
The guys get into the medical issues Greg had because of his drug and alcohol addictions. At one point he tried to stop and was struck 3 days later by a terrible pain in his side. He wound up in an emergency room, where a doctor asked him about his drug and alcohol use, then told him it was sever pancreatitis and that he'd be dead in six months. Thanks Doc! It turned out to be a kidney problem, but he knew that he had to stop after getting what he saw as a second chance.
Giraldo remembers that he did a 30 minute Comedy Central special years ago when he was "totally loaded", but now when he's seen it he can't understand why he doesn't look hammered.
Thank God for YouTube!
He's much more coherent than Tippy Tom.
And Rich Vos.
Dead On The Bowl
A 90 year old woman was dead for months... and her family kept her propped up on the toilet bowl and prayed over her, hoping she'd come back to life. Right. Because that always happens.
The house had just the one bathroom, and the others who lived there had to use buckets in order to relieve themselves. Why wouldn't they at least lie her in the bathtub? This way they could've had sort of a "Shining" vibe going on. You know the scene I mean.
The whole thing appears to be some sort of cult-like situation where people were trying to continue to collect the dead bag's $550 per month social security check.
Ahhh...the two suspects. That bitch has "Crazy Eye"
Anyway, because of two kids who lived in the house, the two adults behind this whole thing were charged with two counts of "mental harm to a child". Wow. If that's something people could be charged with, my step-father should probably have been executed.
I'm just sayin'.
That's it for this week, folks.
Enjoy your weekend!
Make sure you drink too much!
Don't forget, for every person who adds me as a friend on MySpace, Anthony will come out with another statement that will stun his audience as he attempts to win over Ms. Nicolini. Help out.
------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore
Other stuff, Joe
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Good mornin' everybuddeh!
6:00
That's some dramatic show intro they have there. It's all dramatic and dare I say it? A little heroic? Perhaps it's setting the bar a bit too high. Should the bar be lowered to make it a little easier on the boys? No way! SCREW 'EM!
NEWS!
John Edwards is backing Barack Obama. How ya doin', Hillary?
"People are saying" that perhaps John Edwards will end up on the ticket as Obama's running mate. Oh great. Two dullards for the price of one.
How nice for America
Has anyone ever heard of a SuperDelegate before this election? How important can they be when the lunatic mayor of New Orleans, Ray Nagin, is one?
The Prince Of The "Chocolate City"
Opie wonders just how the hell we're going to get people to vote for candidates nobody really cares about. Some have suggested voting via cell phone like American Idol, and a caller suggests we could vote through an ATM. I think we should write the name of our choice of candidate on toilet paper and flush it away. Or would that make it too hard to tally the votes? Someone look into that for me!
Cast that vote!
Anthony's Brother Joe and his girl are about to have a baby...
Is Anthony looking forward to becoming an uncle? NOPE! Uncle Anthony is figuring out ways to avoid having to even hold the kid...even for a photo. Ant's main problem with kids? "They leak!" Maybe they can put an extra diaper on the kid's face before handing it over to Uncle Ant so both offending ends will be covered.
That's A LITTLE better. But still, he won't hold it.
Let's not forget that Anthony's sister, Dawn is also having a baby...
Opie says he made a mistake when he saw her at FH Riley's(400 New York Avenue - In the heart of Huntington Village!) a couple of weeks ago. He took a look at her and said to her that she looks ready to have the kid.
"Thanks a lot! I still have two months to go!" Ooops!
Wake Up, Sleepyhead!
Steve C. finally got Jimmy on the phone. Norton asked, "Why are you calling me?", thinking it wasn't time to get up yet. Well, the snuggly li'l feller is on his way into the studio now.
Other "NEWS" Stuff...
Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins, and the guys say that Brad Pitt must be in hell. A few years ago he was going out with all sorts of Hollywood types, and now, with all the kids they've adopted, he and his wife will soon have 6 kids.
What's with that awful tattoo Brad's sporting? Now that's just silly.
I wonder if Angelina had herself knocked up by a Third World type so the new kids will feel right at home with the ones already there. While all this is going on her "poor barren" pal, "Sahara-lapped" Jennifer Anniston is sitting there childless.
Good for her.
ooOoOooooOoooooooOoooOoOoooOOoo! Jimmy is finally in studio!!
According to Jim, he accidentally set his clock for 6:18 instead of 5:18. Goose! Normally Club Soda Kenny is his failsafe, who calls him at 5:30 to make sure he's already awake. But Kenny is away in Seattle, seeing his son off to Iraq, where the young man will serve for about a year.
We all wish him the best of luck.
Graduating Into Idiocy
An NYU graduate decided that he needed to dart out onto the field at Yankee Stadium as soon as he had his diploma in hand, and run the bases. Well, he didn't quite make it to home plate. A few security guards made sure he was taken down about 15 feet from his goal, but he certainly tried. William Lopez, the darting tool, says a sudden burst of enthusiasm is to blame for making him decide to take a trot around the bases.
He was charged with trespassing...
Enjoy the tackle, Stupid
7:00
Slow News Day!
It's like Blob Kelly's "Guatemala Story" all over again.
• What the hell's going on with American Idol? WHO CARES?
• "Dog The Bounty" hunter is coming back to A&E. Back in November, the show was put on hiatus after "Dog" was caught on tape making racial remarks about his son's girlfriend. According to reports, the show will first return with reruns, then to newly produced episodes. Could this signal some sort of change in corporate thinking regarding overblown scandals?
• Perhaps, since we've also learned that NY news anchor Sue Simmons will not be fired after blurting out the F-word during a live news tease the other night. She thought she was being taped and that it wasn't going out live, so she was kidding around with fellow anchor Chuck Scarborough when she jokingly blurted out that salty word. The clip has become an internet sensation.
Could O&A get away with letting a word like that through on the air? Probably not. The guys wonder what stunt they can try out next to test their limits. Uh-oh. Opie recalls a time after they had just returned from their 2 1/2 year hiatus he had an idea to send a couple into a mattress store to have sex. Jimmy thought this was such a terrible idea he actually sat down with Opie and gave him a bit of a talking to.
It's good that Op works with people who actually like him.
Shut Up, Spicoli!
• Sean "I'm SO Important" Penn is saying that this election is the most important in his lifetime, and maybe EVER. Oh really? Did he have to spew his political drivel while working at the Cannes film festival?
Of course he did. He needs the attention.
This Is Important?
Barack Obama had a bit of controversy yesterday after referring to reporter Peggy Agar as "sweetie", and later called her on the phone to apologize. What he should've called Piggy was "Sweaty". Good lord, what a beast the woman is. Opie described her as Pat From Moonachie with a wig plopped on his head.
Is that Peggy getting serenaded by Brother Elmo?
Jimmy says we've become a nation of crybabies. To get things back into perspective Anthony thinks the country needs some sort of national tragedy that will possibly even cause refugees. I say once we make kids work in coal mines again, everything will be fine.
Get back to work, Junior!
CBS! FM!!!
Hello love!
Mick Foley is in the back office, because the Opie and Anthony Show no longer has a green room. Oldies station CBS FM has moved into the building with K-Rock, and they are now using the former green room for their own purposes. They guys have met the crew from the station, and seem to be a bit creeped out by them.
Anthony has some advice for them: If you EVER want to get laid again, how about trimming your nose and ear hair?
That is less than attractive.
7:40
WWE star Mick Foley is in studio.
The guys are picking on him for having on a leopard print shirt that he put on to do the CW11 news, the TV home of Jill Nicolini. To update his look he thinks that maybe he should start wearing a brooch like Madeline Albright.
Mick... I can't imagine that would be a good look for you, sir.
Foley has a message for Anthony from Jill Nicolini: She's single and she's interested. Well, then! Does she have a little crush on our pal Herr von Cumia? After a couple of minutes the guys manage to get Jill on the phone. She'd love to go on a date with Ant, and he says he'll do it "for the good of the show". Oh really? They say they're going to set something up for next week. Ant knows a little restaurant right near his house. Cocktails and dinner?
What about a nice pink sock? Adorable.
Jimmy thinks this woman will ruin Anthony.
I can already picture the "His and Hers" kegerators. This could be a problem
I suppose Keith The Cop might as well pack up his stuff and clear out of Chateau Cumia. Jill's gonna need that room for her lingerie and bikini collection. Just when is that swimming pool going to be ready, Ant?
Back to Mick!
He tells us that wrestling is HUGE in the Middle East, but that he got grossed out when, for whatever reason, the fans spat on him in Dubai.
The guys recall the recent WWE bout that pitted (so pitted!) people dressed up as the presidential candidates wrestling against each other.
This country is doomed.
8:00
Anthony is basking in the glow of Jill's desire for him. Mick has decided that from now on he wants Ant to refer to him as "Cupid" for helping pair him up with Jill. Sure, Mick. Whatever you say.
Something tells me THIS cupid aims only for the tender parts
Opie wants to know what's the one injury that really nags Mick. He names a bunch of them, but says it's really his knees that are the worst. The pain is most extreme when he's going down stairs. Call me crazy, but I bet that's gotta suck.
The Shatman Cometh
William Shatner is on the phone and instantly promotes his new autobiography, "Up To Now", which was just released. Bill can relate to Mick's injuries, mainly because of all those amazing fight scenes in Star Trek.
What a vast ball of suck.
The guys discuss Shatner's new book and his long career, including his appearance with Angie Dickinson in "Big Bad Mama".
From Lieutenant on a star ship to Queen Of The Gay Parade. Oh my!
Shatner is credited with having had the first interracial kiss on US television when his character Captain Kirk kissed Lt. Urhura.
Anthony has blocked this image from his Star Trek memory bank
One thing we can say about Shatner... he can really self-promote and not waste precious time on idle chit-chat.
8:45
Mick talks about being at an event with O&A fans and getting booed when he yelled out "Let's get ready to chuckle!" Ecccccchhhh.
By the way... what is MICK here to plug? Shatner certainly got HIS plug in. Let's go, Mick!
• WWE Pay-Per-View special "Judgement Day" will air this Sunday.
• WWE "Smackdown" every Friday night on CW11.
That's better.
Listen Up!
The guys talk with Foley about some of the more awful injuries he's sustained in the ring, including a match in Munich, Germany, where he had 2/3rds of his ear torn off. OUCH!
He wanted to keep his detached ear in formaldehyde, but the German nurse wouldn't hear of it. She told him it was dirty and threw it in the trash. THEN she asked him if wrestling was all fake. HOW could she ask him that when she just threw out a huge chunk of his ear? Mick says she could've at least given him the benefit of the doubt at the time. An ear coming off is a pretty real thing.
Want to take a look at the match where that happened?
What are they doing with Anthony's fence materials in that ring?
The show ends with Mick talking a bit about his teeth, saying that his kids like to call him "Ol' Yeller". Now that's just rude, Mick Foley's kids.
That's it for today, kids.
(ed. note: Let it be known: Steve from Bay Shore doesn't like pictures... he LOVES them!)
Please remember, for every person who adds me as a friend on MySpace, another news anchor will get away with cursing on the air. Let those curses fly!
---------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore
Other stuff, Joe
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
It's Whip 'Em Out Wednesday! Ladies... you know what to do!
6:00
It's going to be a beautiful day here in New York, and Opie believes it's going to be one of those days where it's great weather throughout the whole country.
Start whippin' 'em out!
The guys recall a time years back when Mancow decided he was going to rip off WOW... but he called the promotion "Whip It Out Wednesday". Sorry, Mandouche, but that's not the point of WOW, you sissy.
By the way, if you’d like a brand-spankin’ new WOW sticker, click here.
Forty Flernft and Angry
Anthony insists upon driving in, and yesterday it took our pal 1 1/2 hours to make what's normally a 20 minute trip to get home. He is not happy over that.
Yimmy, always looking to help, thinks Ant should start taking the train into the city. The train?! You mean you want Herr von Cumia to arrive at work like A PEASANT?! What happened to the Anthony who knocked tin for a living and knew what it was like to do physical work to earn his pay? Who cares? THIS incarnation is much funnier.
Working-Class Anthony stunk. The new version is hysterical and is a fan of “the era”... and that’s all I need to know.
Anthony blames some of the traffic on the fact that people always seem to be on their cell phones instead of paying attention to their driving. Hang up the phone and drive, Stupid! FANCY MAN COMIN’ THROUGH!
PREPARE YOURSELVES!
Oh dear lord.
It’s just SIXTEEN DAYS till the “Sex And The City” movie opens up in the US. The NY Daily News has an entire pull-out section dedicated to the film and gives tips based on those sassy old broads who starred in a show that went out of production 4 years ago.
And what the hell was with that acorn hat Sarah Jessica Parker had on during the London premiere the other night? The guys reason that she wears odd clothing, hats, etc in order to distract from her disaster of a face. Anthony points out that even wearing a B-17 on her head wouldn’t be enough to distract the eyes from that sorry collection of facial features.
At noon up at WBCN in Boston there’s going to be a big announcement from Howard Stern. What could it be?! I’d make some sort of cutting remark, but we’re all one big happy family now, right? Not yet.
GO AWAY, PIG
Just... yuccck
Hillary Clinton won the West Virginia primary yesterday… something a lot of people see as an empty victory, since it doesn’t get her any closer to the presidential nomination from her party who are almost certainly going with Barack Obama.
After the win, the chattering beast did what amounted to a 20 minute commercial promoting herself.
The guys are thinking that Hillary may end up running with Obama as his VP. I can't see that working out. WHY do the Democrats insist on self-destructing? ASSES!
Anthony says that the outcome in W. Virginia once again shows that a lot of people vote along racial lines, in this case, poor uneducated Whites voted for Hillary over Obama.
Can she make a comeback? Sorta like quarterback Frank Reich… which Erock put up on the screen as “R-I-K-E”. Oh dear. Who is Frank Reich? In 1992 he was behind the greatest comeback in NFL history. He came back from a 32 point deficit and led the Buffalo Bills to a playoff victory over the Houston Oilers.
Frank Reich Achtung!
Poor Anthony... deep down it’s always bothered him that it was THAT Reich that made the huge comeback. Ahhh, what can ya do?
6:30
How ‘bout that Potty Mouth Sue Simmons dropping the F-bomb during a live news tease for the 11 o’clock news the other night? We’re still not entirely sure why she blurted that out, or who she directed it at.
“People are saying” that perhaps she thought the segment was being recorded to be used a little later… something that commonly happens. “Boozy Suzy” (as one of the NY papers is calling her) really screwed up, but at least she’s still on the air. If more companies stuck behind their talent in situations like this, then maybe there would be fewer people going on email campaigns demanding firings. The NY Post, never to be outdone, called Simmons “Silly Sue A Salty Swiller”. They claim that she’s very well known for “liquid dinners” between broadcasts.
The Post was told this by a “former NBC employee”.
Of course they were.
Opie says the company should stand by her, because she’s not the typical news anchor. She’s always liked to joke around, and the guys take a look at a clip of her pretending to faint and fall out of her chair after an extra boring report.
What a cut up.
Her dive is at about 2:10 into the clip...
Remember Arthur Chien?
His name’s being bounced around pretty often because of the Simmons situation. The situation where he was pestered by an O&A fan and driven to an on-air expletive is well known... and it happened about 3 years ago. WHAT?! Op says Chien won his suit against his former employer after the court determined that he should not have been fired.
The guys play a few of our favorite clips, including Paul Moyer and Ann Martin out in LA from a bunch of years ago. They were certainly not happy with each other, and he accused his co-host of going home and doing “shooters” between shows. Ant pictures ol’ Anne as Dean Wormer’s wife and it’s not an image that really pleases him.
Who can forget the CNN weatherman who fought with the news anchor because his report was WAY too technical? Nice hissy fit he has. But first...
WHAT’S THIS?!
A robot conducting an orchestra? Yes! The guys spotted it on the news! According to Anthony we’re now living in the future. Everyone in studio agrees that we won’t really start paying attention to robots until we can figure out a way to use them sexually… like every other invention throughout history.
7:00
Bob Kelly joins the guys in studio.
He’ll be appearing with Patrice O’Neal and Mike DeStefano at the Count Basie Theatre in Redbank NJ. For tickets and information call 732-842-9000, or click on the link just above.
Back to the subject of Robots, Jimmy thinks that within 100 years there will be robot anti-abuse advocates. He’s probably right. “Asimo” was the robot who was conducting the orchestra on the news before. In case you needed to know that.
He's going to kill us all!
FINALLY! The weatherman vs the anchorwoman.
It’s apparent Chad and Carol don’t like each other very much.
Suddenly, Bobby blurts out that most weathermen are gay. He tells us to pay closer attention to them and decide for ourselves. Ok then. We can do that.
VERY suspicious, indeed
While the boys muse over the subject of gay weathermen, Jimmy points out that we never see obese news anchors. Opie says that he wants to produce a show called “The Fat News” with MASSIVE anchors who talk about nothing but food related stories. Naturally, their weatherman would be a burn victim. Naturally.
Remember the fight between Steve Bartelstein and Bill Evans? THAT was a good one. To me, the worst part is the hole chiming in that the guy was mispronouncing a name... but it was she who was saying it wrong. Idiot. But of course I can't find the video. Oh well.
The GAYEST Weatherman?
This one is another fave. Remember the guy down in Sarasota FL who SCREAMED when confronted with a cockroach? If you’ve forgotten, watch the clip and commit it to memory.
Not the bravest fella in the world
Op ends the segment with a NEW favorite: The Haitian weatherman who seems to crack up over nothing.
Wonderful!
7:30
Opie and Anthony are OBSSESSED with the buzz around the release of the new “Sex And The City” movie. WHY is it important to ANYONE?? Ant sums it up nicely: They are 3 1/2 hags… so who cares?! Just to be mean to someone with strawberry blond hair, Anthony points out that Opie is the only one who watched that dreadful show. Op blames that on the relationship from hell that he was in at the time. Thank God that's over.
ATTENTION! ATTENTION! The “Gas For Gas” program will be starting soon! Stay tuned!
Back to that pathetic movie. Op says that if they wanted guy to actually go and see that movie with their girlfriends they should’ve shot the thing with the 4 girls from “The Hills”, instead of those 4 tired looking witches.
QUITE the improvement
Bobby mentions the pic that TMZ has up of Sarah Jessica Parker’s hand. It looks like it belongs on Sandy Kane’s corpse. Opie reads the Rolling Stone article about the movie and we are all sickened. Thanks for that, Op.
Op plays audio of a report from TMZ where they refer to Parker as “Frankenstein”. You even get to see the hand. That’s somewhat mean-spirited... even if it IS very accurate.
Oh no. Here’s the trailer for the movie. WHY? What’s with that music?
“Repulsive” - A. Cumia
SPOILER ALERT?
“Mr Big” (the character SJ Parker is marrying in the film) DIES at the end? Wait. WHAT?!
Tim The Production Guy put together the "talents" of Roland, Wood-Yi, and Kenny and had them act out one of the most famous scenes from the original series. Very funny. Dat’s what I say!
8:00
Enough with the aftermath footage of the earthquake in China and the cyclone in Burma. Opie’s SICK of seeing dead people on TV! Ant says that as long as the networks aren’t broadcasting boobs or naughty words then the FCC is happy. Why is that?
Do you know what happened 10 years ago today?
Frank Sinatra died and the final episode of Seinfeld aired. That's it.
The guys can’t get enough of news anchor clips today, including the one where the two guys crack up over the runway model taking a tumble or two.
Well, it IS funny.
Club Soda Kenny pops in to give us his wonderful Traffic and Weather Update! Of course it’s as depressing as ever, but in order to cheer us up a bit, in honor of Frank Sinatra’s death anniversary Op decides to dedicate a song to GH…”Ain’t He Sweet”. It sure is something.
Judah Friedlander pops into the studio.
He’s finally getting some lines and recognition on 30 Rock. He's been teaming up with Tracy Morgan a lot lately in the series and has been having fun with it.
Op wants to know if Judah is a pack rat, and he admits that he probably is: he always tapes every one of his stand ups but never listens to them. He has boxes and boxes of cassette tapes, as well as other forms of recordings.
Bobby brings up something that both he and Judah enjoy: they both LOVE recording equipment, and he shows everyone his new Sanyo HD digital camcorder with night vision. He says he’s used night vision for years, mainly to video himself having sex with various women. One odd thing about the night vision footage is that you can see many of the girl’s veins, and even the blood pulsing through them.
Eeeeesh!
Bob's fancy new camera
Judah Friedlander will be at Caroline's in NYC Thursday through Sunday. Go check him out!
Hole Overboard!
There's an update about that woman who "fell" off the Norwegian Dawn cruise ship 45 miles off the coast of Atlantic City, NJ. According to her boyfriend, she was climbing between balconies when she fell. Well, that doesn't sound like a very safe thing to do.
8:40
Judah Works with Alec Baldwin because the guy's got a great sense of humor. Baldwin even went to catch Judah's stand-up down in the Village. What a guy. You can tell Alec likes to laugh. Have you heard the phone message he left for his 11 year old daughter? HYSTERICAL.
• A 911 operator is in trouble after stating that he doesn't give an S what happens to a caller in trouble. RUDE! The thing is, this whole thing happened after the actual phone call. The operator has been fired.
This man will NOT be voting for Obama...
In Marietta Georgia a bartender is selling racist Barack Obama shirts. In GEORGIA? What a surprise! Mulligan's Bar is selling t-shirts with a picture of Curious George eating a banana with "Obama '08".
Bar owner Mike Norman says it's not racist, he just thinks Obama resembles Curious George. The shirts sold out in no time. Ok terrific.
Has Obama been "deplicted" in a negative light?
One gentleman of color certainly seems to think so. DEPLICTED?
Fancy Rundown writer in studio... Steve from Bayshore with Judah Steve is the rosey cheeked fella...
That's it for today, kids!
We'll seeya tomorrow.
Remember! For every person who adds me as a friend on MySpace, another bar owner will start selling a t-shirt which will infuriate a different ethnic group. Please do your part.
--------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore
Other stuff, Joe
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
RUN AND HIDE!!
IT'S TUESDAY THE THIRTEENTH!!
6:00
Attention to all potential listeners: If you enjoy, or are associated with IN ANY WAY with the pukefest known as "Sex And The City", it's strongly recommended that you tune in to something else.
The new movie, based on the former HBO series, premiered in London yesterday. Yeccchh.
Sarah Jessica Parker is still trying to look sexy, but according to Opie she actually looks like a washed out Ruth Buzzi.
Yes, much like our own Big-A, Ruth Buzzi eats babies. A lot of them.
Look at these witches...
Wrecks and The City The entire coven.
"Eight Belles" Jessica Parker. Throw a tent up and give her what's comin' to her.
Sex and WHAT city? Chernobyl? Is that Sarah Jessica Parker or is it Evita after the cancer?
The "plot" of the movie is that Parker's character is getting married to "Mr. Big". You know why they call him that? Of course you do. What a vapid and transparent pile of garbage that show was. I wonder how Cynthia Nixon feels about a movie where the main plot is a heterosexual wedding.
She herself is not the marrying kind.
Wow. Who knew that Mason Reese had a younger sister? Or is that a brother?
Ol' Mason They look the same to me.
6:30
A woman "fell" off The Norwegian Dawn, a cruise ship that was about 45 miles off the coast of Atlantic City, NJ. According to her boyfriend she fell over the rail and he tried to save her but he couldn't hang on. The ship called off the search after a short time, and continued on its way to Bermuda.
The guys point out that it was most likely business as usual for the other passengers who were more concerned about refilling their plates with shrimp than worrying about some dame who was given a Rock Coat by her possibly murderous boyfriend.
"Hey honey! Ya wanna climb up on the rail and hold this anchor for a minute? I wanna get a picture! Just let me find some rope first..."
Obviously there's no footage of that,
but in its place is a fat woman falling into an open trap door.
Oink!
The guys recall the story of the sailor aboard the USS America who fell overboard in the Adriatic Sea a few years back. He survived several days in the water by creating a makeshift floatation device out of his trousers. He was later picked up by a fishing boat and taken to safety. He was?
7:00
Any relation to Conglomerated Sam?
Veteran New York news anchorwoman Sue Simmons got herself a bit of unwanted notice yesterday when she dropped the F-bomb during a live news teaser. The guys want to know why there is such outrage over this when the news has been filled with images of the bloated corpses of victims of last week's Cyclone in BURMA (screw calling it by that other dumb name), as well as photos of victims of yesterday's terrible earthquake in China.
Is the media in general saying that the F-Word is more damaging for a child to hear than for them to view images of dead bodies? Idiotic.
Sue "Too Blue" Simmons. Salty language from a sassy gal!
She later apologized on air. Good for you, Sue.
Who cares?
Wedding Bail Blues? Mrrff err meh!
Rap pig Remy Ma (is that your birthname, Toots?)is in jail at Rikers Island for shooting a woman she had a dispute with.
Her boyfriend "Papoose" (oh, come on now) decided that he was going to smuggle in a handcuff key to help spring his bride-to-be during the ceremony. He's been banned from the jail.
The guys marvel at the degree to which you have to be either a bad-ass or dumb-ass to actually get yourself BANNED from Rikers Island.
Papoose? Who would ever believe this guy would screw up? He looks like such a bright one!
According to TMZ, Rapper Shug Knight got into a confrontation with a barber and ended up getting roughed up a bit.
Here's the guy who did the damage. I wonder where his body will turn up.
Nice watermark, TMZ. Have you been taking lessons from Steve C?
NPR Earthquake Lady!
NPR reporter Melissa Block was interviewing someone in China when yesterday's 7.8 magnitude earthquake hit. Somehow she was able to remain amazingly calm and collected while reporting on what she was feeling and seeing.
Perhaps she had just come from seeing the new "Sex And The City" movie and she was feeling totally dead inside. That's the theory I'm going with.
7:30
Some suggested that the NPR lady should've had a reaction much more like Suzyn Waldman's overly dramatic announcement that "Rawguh Clemminz" was coming back to the NY Yankees. Waldman, on the other hand, should've handled that boring pustule of a story about Roger's return to NY a little more like the relaxed way Ms. Block was able to deliver her live report from the middle of a devastating earthquake.
Jet Blue Toilet Guy!
A NY man is suing airline Jet Blue after being made to sit in a bathroom for more than half of his 5 hour flight. He had a "buddy pass" that an airline employee friend of his had given him, and was able to board the flight even though it was overbooked. He was told to sit in the last available seat, and that a flight attendant would sit in one of the "jump seats" reserved for them during the flights.
Seat deprived Gokhan Mutlu Peek-a-poo!
After about 1 1/2 hours, Mr. Mutlu (not a valid name, no matter where you're from) was told that he had to give up his seat to a flight attendant who found the jump seat uncomfortable.
Was it a male flight attendant returning from a bottom jarring weekend in San Francisco? That'd explain why the seat was so painful to sit on. I'm only guessing.
Anyway, he wasn't allowed to switch to the jump seat, because that's only for airline employees. THEN he was told to go into the bathroom and to hang out there for awhile. Even during turbulence he was forced to stay in the crapper while he got bumped all around. He claims that he was humiliated by the experience, but that at some point he was allowed to return to the seat he started out in. To make matters worse, even after he returned to his regular seat, several drunken college students continued to mistake Mr Mutlu for a urinal, and by the time the plane landed, he was a sorry sight indeed.
Perhaps I elaborated on that last little bit. Perhaps.
Blobbert Kelly's custom made iFatFone
According to Apple, the iPhone is sold out in both the US and UK as far as online sales go. If you want to order one, you'll probably have to wait for the new and "improved" version of it that's coming out, possibly in June. The new version is supposed to be a bit thinner (why?), have a better battery, and feature increased browser speed.
We know what Anthony will soon be purchasing.
Well, that and a few more handguns.
Today's High Gas Price Story
Some old gas pumps can't register over $3.99 per gallon. I guess at one time nobody thought the price could ever get that high. The guys imagine that someone will figure out a way to convert the old pumps so no gas sales will be missed.
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, "Up To Now", which was just released. Bill can relate to Mick's injuries, mainly because of all those amazing fight scenes in Star Trek. 
